Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Someone shattered a urinal.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
