Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
