I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
