Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
