i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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