Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
