hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So much rum. So many feels.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
