i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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