He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
