Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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