twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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