sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
