She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
