the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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