Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize