Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I believe in your delicious
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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