i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
