shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
