I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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