I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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