My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
