GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
