Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
