Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
