I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
