Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The air taste purple.
Randomize
