I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's just like the Real World with babies
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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