come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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