Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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