It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize