She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
