even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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