some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
