I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
