I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
