I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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