Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
