do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
