I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize