My sheets look like a crime scene.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
