david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
