Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
