I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
