I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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