Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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