i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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