Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
