Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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