dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
