The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
