party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
