I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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