I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
