Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
