I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
