just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
