A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
