just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
