so explain again why im purple
no
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
