guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
