You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You made out with two different species that night
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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