Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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