She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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