Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
