idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
