he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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