literally had 100 drinks last night.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
