The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
