i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
