She just used a chaser for red wine.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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