i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
