He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
