btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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