So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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